I took Nora to Chittenango Falls State Park today. We lasted 55 minutes. She was content for 12 of those minutes. After she played on the playground for those 12 minutes we decided to take a walk to see the waterfalls. Well a meltdown started because she wanted to swim in the water, and obviously that was not allowed. This was a level 10 meltdown. Screaming, biting, kicking, rolling around on the ground. She tried taking her clothes off, shoes thrown. She was screaming “ow it hurts, help me“ over and over again. I wasn’t even touching her. It was quite the show for the 30 people in our vicinity. I had no choice but to throw her over my shoulder and bring her to the car. She screamed and screamed. People stared. One woman even said “well I guess It’s time for someone to go home” as she stared right at me. At that second I lost it inside. Tears started rolling. I immediately wished we didn’t leave the house. I hated myself. Failing once again. I can’t keep my child content for more than 15 minutes at a time. When we got home she played in her sandbox and all was right with the world again. For the past five months, this is multiple times a week. Sometimes daily. I feel drained. Isolated. So very tired because I never sleep. My mind constantly going.
Today was nothing but a bad day. Tomorrow will be better, I know this.
Comments